Taking A Chance
by loopyem89
Summary: Is Olivia ready to take a chance before it's too late
1. Chapter 1

******Disclaimer:** These characters do not belong to me. No infringement intended and no profit will be made from their use

Ok it'a been awhile since i wrote any A/O so let me know what you think. It is supposed to be a one shot but it open for continuation...

**Take a Chance**

"Liv I know you're afraid but I'm asking you to take a chance, for us."

The detective was pacing up and down the steps of the court house, she knew this day would come, it was inevitable. But yet no matter how much she wanted to take that leap of faith, something was holding her back. She stopped to look into those familiar blues eyes and was rooted to the spot, unable to run away. At that moment she wished she could turn back time, go back to before any of this happened and save them both from certain heartbreak.

"Alex I know for certain that I have never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. You are the one thing in my life that feels totally right but I can't give you what you want."

Alex let out a shaky breath as she moved to stand before the woman in front of her. She pulled the detective close and rested their foreheads together, her voice but a whisper as she spoke.

"If I'm sure about one thing, it's that we're meant to be together. You know it too and it scares the hell out of you. I know because that's exactly how I felt, I never meant to fall in love with you but I did and now I am here asking you to take the risk and commit to us."

"Can you be sure you won't want someone else someday? That maybe one day you'll stop falling in love and start falling out of love, with me?" The unusual vulnerability in the Olivia's voice was not missed by the blonde.

Alex took the detective's face in both hands and gazed directly at her.

"Liv I could ask you the same thing, none of us can know what will happen in the future. All that matters at this moment is the here and now."

Olivia wrapped her arms around the ADA, breathed in her scent as she held on tight, almost afraid to let go. She was about to say more when the sound of her cell cut in. Relinquishing her hold on Alex she flashed an apologetic look as she flipped the phone open.

"Benson."

Alex realising that the conversation was probably over for now turned away and took in a breath of fresh air. She pulled her coat tighter around herself as the cold wind bit at her.

"Ok Elliott I'll be there in 20."

The detective hesitantly made her way down the steps and was about to dash across the street to her car before she turned and looked back.

"I'm sorry Alex. I just need a little more time, that's all. Can you give me that?"

The ADA's expression was one of nothing but sadness as she took one last glance at the detective as she was leaving.

"To think too long about something often becomes its undoing. I can't wait forever Liv."

Alex waited until the sound of footsteps had disappeared before allowing the tears to fall. Not caring that there were others around her, she rested her body against a pillar and tried to bring her emotions under control. The words she had spoken to the detective before were nothing but the truth. She never expected to fall in love with the woman, their encounters had only started out as a way to offer comfort to one another. To provide them with the physical intimacy they both craved, if only for few moments. To know that in the darkness of what they witnessed every day, there was still some light. They had continued it for months but as time passed along, both stopped sneaking out in middle of the night; leisurely breakfasts and dinners were shared and on occasions some nights were just spent in one another's arms. The reality was that they had been in a relationship for some time; just neither was willing to acknowledge it, until now. Alex wanted to take the risk, redefine their relationship but it was just a matter of trying to convince a reluctant Olivia. She had made her case and now she could only hope that the woman of her affections would let her in.

She wiped away the last of her tears and straightened herself out, the professional façade of the lawyer firmly back in place. She was about to head up into the courthouse when she heard the sound of the gun shot ring from behind her.

The Detective didn't have the heart to turn around and look back to where she had left the ADA standing, knowing that if she did she wouldn't be able to contain the tears and the least thing she needed was to turn up at a crime scene with puffy eyes and have Elliott asking questions. She didn't need to question her love for Alex, she had known for a while now how strong her feelings were, yet she was afraid, unsure if she could commit herself to a relationship. Her track record left little to be desired for and Alex deserved someone who could give her all the love and attention she deserved. Olivia was not that person and she was prepared to let the blonde go in order to allow her to find happiness.

Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the keys to the car and was about to get in when she spotted a man and a woman having a somewhat heated argument just down the street. A lover's quarrel was none of her concern and so she chose to ignore it; that was until she saw the young male raise his fist and strike the woman across the face. She didn't hesitate to jog towards where they were and raise her badge to identify herself.

"Hey! Detective Benson NYPD. I think you need to calm down sir."

The look of alarm on his face didn't go unnoticed by Olivia and she thought he was just going to make a run for it. What she hadn't been expecting was for the assailant to pull out a gun from behind his jacket and point in her direction. She barely had time to reach for her own weapon when she heard a shot ring out, followed by the pain of a bullet ripping through her flesh. The force of the shot propelled her backwards onto the street; she heard the screams erupt around her and the man who had the gun briefly appeared in front of eyes before he took off running.

At that moment she found herself looking up towards the clear Manhattan sky, the grey buildings around her feeling more intimidating than ever as they towered above. Her body was numb from either the cold or shock and she was beginning to find it difficult to breath. The noises around her seemed to fade away as she struggled to remain conscious, it was only upon hearing a familiar voice that she willed her eyes to remain open and her mind awake.

"Liv!"

Alex fought to remain upright as she turned around to see where the shot had come from and saw Olivia drop to the sidewalk. She didn't think twice as she rushed down the steps and through the city traffic to where the Detective had fallen. The shooter was long gone; she had seen him take off as a couple of near bye officers began to give chase.

"Liv!"

Her eyes were quick to fall upon the blood that had already covered the street and she immediately placed her hands over the bullet wound in the detective's side, trying desperately to apply pressure and stem the bleeding. Olivia grunted in pain as her breathing became more ragged. A group of on lookers had begun to gather around the two women and Alex shouted at somebody to call a bus.

"It's ok Liv, just hold on. We're going to get you to the hospital and everything will be fine, just stay with me."

Like she had done so many times before, Olivia gazed up into those familiar deep blue eyes. They had conveyed so much warmth and love on those dark nights she hadn't wanted to spend alone. It was in that moment, there and then that she realized she was no longer afraid. Alex was worth the gamble, she was worth the leap of faith and she couldn't just let go of the woman she loved. If it didn't hurt too much she could have laughed at the irony, there was nothing like getting shot to make her recognise that what she had was worth fighting for. As more pain swept through her body she fought to stay awake, she needed to tell Alex how she felt but it was becoming more and more difficult to catch a breath.

"Lex…I'm..I'm sorry."

"Liv its ok, don't try and speak, save your energy."

"No…I…I need you to know…that I was…an idiot. You're…You're worth…the risk."

The detective could hear the sirens getting closer but was unable to remain focused, to stay awake. Her last words were but a whisper as she closed her eyes and gave into darkness.

"Love…you."

"No Liv, stay with me."

Alex was once again unable to stop the tears falling; she had to be pulled away as the paramedics came into to work on Olivia. As they carried her into the awaiting bus the ADA made it clear that she was going with them. She grasped hold of the now cold hand that belonged to her lover and willed her to fight. To fight for what they had. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go, they had come this far and it couldn't just end like that.

" Come on sweetheart, don't give in, not now."


	2. Chapter 2

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**Thanks for all the reviews , guess i couldn't just leave it as a one shot...**

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"Dam it we're losing her!"

"We need the crash team!"

Upon hearing those words Alex's world turned into a blur, she had barely registered their arrival at the hospital when the machines starting blaring and it wasn't until she felt the hand of a nurse guiding her through some doors away from Olivia that she came back to her senses.

"No I have to go with her. Please you don't understand I love her…" The nurse however was adamant that Alex wasn't going to get through and easily blocked her attempts to get pass her.

The blonde could do nothing but stand and look at the doctors through the glass and Alex watches them go, running with the stretcher, shouting to one another over Olivia's still, prone figure as they wheel her away.

"Miss there's nothing you can do right now, you have to let the doctors see to her. I'll take you to the waiting room and once we have any news I'll come let you know. Until then is there anyone else you would like me to call?"

"Yes, Elliott Stabler, he works for Manhattan SVU."

The room was empty when she entered and Alex found herself shaking as she tried to bring her emotions under control. It wasn't helped when she looked down at her hands to find them covered with blood, Olivia's blood. She lowered herself down onto a seat and willed herself not to cry.

She was still sitting there half an hour later when Elliot rushed in.

"Alex?" Elliot said. "How is she?"

Like she knew, no one had come in to see her and all she could do was sit and imagine the worst case scenario. She just wanted for someone to tell her everything was going to be okay, to tell her that her life as she knew it wasn't going to end because the woman she had fallen head over heels madly in love with was not going to die.

"What the hell happened?"

For the first time since he had entered, Alex looked up to where the detective was standing and found herself lost for words. Unable to form a coherent sentence as she tried to process the events of the past hour, her only thoughts now were of Olivia lying on the cold ground, her eyes retreating into darkness as the blood pooled around. It was a nightmare of images that wouldn't stop replaying in her head and as her body soon became racked with sobs, Alex found herself wrapped in Elliott's arms as she acknowledged the fact that the woman she loved may not make it through.

As the minutes ticked by the ADA soon found she was no longer alone, as one by one Munch, Fin, Cragen, and some other colleagues joined her and Elliot as they awaited word. She stared blankly head, not wanting to look into their faces and see the same look of dread she knew she was also carrying. Instead she centred her thoughts on happier times, moments that she and the detective had shared together when all talk of rapists and paedophiles was forgotten. Their encounters had originally been about escaping the tragedy they had to witness in their jobs on a daily basis but it eventually became about something more. Only last week she had awoken to the sun streaming through into her bedroom, bringing with it a feeling of warmth and peacefulness. She had felt the familiar naked form of her lover wrapped around her still asleep and so she had taken a moment to admire the vision, remembering how she had worshiped every inch of skin the previous night. They had then lazily spent the morning in bed, eating, reading the paper and doing the Sunday crossword together. It was at that moment Alex had come to the realisation that what she and Olivia had wasn't just physical, she was in love and they had the opportunity of making something together if only they were willing to take the chance. And now that they were both finally on the same level, they were close to having it being taken away.

As she lowered her head into her hands she felt herself being consumed by her fears. The fear that Olivia wouldn't make it. The fear that she would never get to hear her voice or see that beautiful smile again. The fear that she would never get to tell Olivia just how blessed she felt to have her in her life. Fear, it was all that was left as the minutes slowly went by and taking with it, the last glimmers of hope she had.

Elliott seemed to be becoming as anxious as she was for news; he had started pacing up and down the room making her feel nauseous. Cragen had disappeared a short while ago to take a call but had returned with the news that Olivia's shooter had been chased down and caught by officers and was currently enjoying the hospitality of a New York City police cell. His only defence was that it had all been a terrible accident; that he hadn't meant to pull the trigger. Alex for her part didn't care, as far as she was concerned it was too late for remorse. He could rot away in prison for the rest of his life along with the rest of the scum they had worked every day to put away.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door to the waiting room finally opened and in stepped the nurse Alex had encountered before followed by a middle aged looking surgeon still in his scrubs.

"Are you all here for Detective Benson?"

Everyone in the room stood to greet them and yet the ADA was unable to find the strength to stand. She felt Elliott tug her to her feet and wrap a supportive hold around her as Cragen stepped forward to speak for the group.

"Yes we're Olivia's family, how is she?"

He hesitated as he pulled off the scrub cap from his head. Alex observed his every move and facial expression. He looked worried and she could swear that there was a look of disappointment in his eyes, she almost didn't want to hear what the words from his mouth were going to be. Her heart nearly broke once again and she began to sob softly as tears streamed down her cheeks. The words she spoke a soft whisper as the doctor began.

_"Come on sweetheart, please…"_

Olivia was a fighter. She had to believe that the detective would fight for this, would fight for her.


	3. Chapter 3

**An update, all be it a little shorter then previous chapters. **

**Again thanks for all the reviews so far =)**

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"Detective Benson suffered some severe abdominal trauma from where the bullet entered, we've done our best to repair what damage we can and barring any complications it should heal without any long term problems."

A collective sigh was heard in the room but Alex's gaze remained on the surgeon and she could tell that there was more to be said. There was still a look of hesitancy in his eyes meaning that something was still wrong. She shakily stepped forward to question him further.

"That's not all though is it? What else is wrong with Olivia?"

"And excuse me you are who exactly?"

"I'm the SVU squads ADA, Alexandra Cabot, I also happen to be Olivia's partner, girlfriend."

Alex realised that if the squad had been unaware of her and Olivia's relationship, they weren't anymore. At that moment she didn't care about discretion or protecting her reputation, the only thing of concern to her was Olivia.

"Detective Benson suffered a brain haemorrhage following some sort of trauma to her head, we're guessing that the injury came from when she was shot and fell to the ground. The bleed was brought under control but there is no way of knowing the impact it will have had on her brain function."

Alex again struggled to remain upright and Elliott sensing this was for a second time immediately by her side with a tight grip around her. She was in a slight state of shock and did not want to believe what she had been told; even Elliott seemed to be struggling.

"She's going to be ok though, right doc?"

"Right now its touch and go, she has been sedated and is in a medical induced coma to allow the brain swelling to go down. Once that has worn off we will have to wait and see if she wakes up before we can assess the impact it has had."

The only word that stayed with Alex was "if". There was a tightening in her chest as she acknowledged the fact that the detective may never wake up and such an idea was almost unbearable.

"Please can I go and see her."

"Of course, follow me and I will take you to her."

Alex looked back to the guys standing behind her; there was no mistaking the sadness that each and every one of them felt. They were a family and one of their own was gravely injured. Cragen stepped up and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"It's ok Alex, go to her, she needs you."

She said nothing but simply nodded as she turned back around and followed the surgeon out of the room. Walking along she wrapped her arms around herself and tried to hold back the tears. It was unsuccessful though once she had reached Olivia's room and looked inside to where the detective was lying. A multitude of wires and machines surrounded her and as Alex hesitantly stepped inside she was careful not to touch or dislodge anything as she took a seat beside the bed and carefully took Olivia's hand into her own. Hands that were usually warm were now stone cold and it was only the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest that assured the ADA that the woman she loved was still indeed very much alive.

Sitting there, Alex felt so helpless and she found it difficult to see the usually strong detective looking so pale and fragile. This wasn't how the day was supposed to end, she was supposed to meet Olivia after court, tell her how she felt and then hopefully spend the evening with her detective, talking about their future. Instead it had finished with Olivia walking away from her, uncertain about where they stood and then getting injured because of domestic dispute gone too far. Now here they both were, Olivia in a hospital room fighting for her life and Alex clinging to her bedside praying beyond hope that they could make it through. But if there was one thing she had come to realise over the last couple years, it was that something's never work out the way you want them to. She just had to hope that this was not one of those occasions; she needed to believe it, because the very idea of a life without Olivia was incomprehensible.

A nurse came in to check everything over and as she left Alex looked up to see Elliot and the rest of the squad standing outside. No words passed between them, none were needed. There was just a nod of his head; a sign that he accepted her place in Olivia's life and that he had her back.

Turning her attention once again to Olivia, Alex stood and moved to place a gentle kiss upon her lovers' temple before making herself comfortable in the chair, mentally preparing herself for the critical hours ahead for them all.

A lone tear escaped and rolled down her cheek.

"Come on, Olivia. I know you've got a little life in you yet, you can't leave me now. Not when there's still so much that needs to be said."

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**I'm debating on perhaps doing a chapter going into Olivia's mind while she's in a coma but not sure...Let me know what you think and whether you think that's something you would like to read.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok sorry for the little wait in between updates, life has a habit of getting in the way. So i decided to try a chapter going into Olivia's mind a little. Please let me know what you think =)**

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Olivia awoke expecting to be in some sort of pain, instead she was surprised to find herself on the sofa within the familiar surroundings of her apartment. Confusion swept over her and she pushed herself up, placing her head into her hands as she tried to rack her brain around what had happened. She could clearly remember getting shot, falling to ground and seeing Alex's face before she passed out unconscious but yet now here she was.

"I suppose you're wondering what happened."

Upon hearing the unfamiliar voice, the detective immediately went to reach for the weapon holstered at her side but instead was startled to find it wasn't there. She jumped up away from the sofa ready to defend herself if needs be but the man who had spoken was calmly sitting on a chair opposite to her, seeming to have no intention of causing any harm. From appearance he was an old fellow, maybe in his late 60's if not older with pale blue eyes. His short cropped hair was completely grey along with the beard he sported on his face, if not for the expensive suit Olivia would have thought he was your average elderly neighbour you passed on the street.

"No reason to be alarmed Detective Benson. I'm just here to talk and help you."

She froze. "How do you know who I am? And what do you mean help me, why are you here in my apartment, where is Alex?"

"I know everybody and as for Miss Cabot…She has taken up residence by your side at the hospital where you've been comatose for the past two days. She's keeping vigil praying you will wake up but right now nobody knows when or if that will happen."

Olivia looked at the man as if he was crazy; she shook her head back and forth hoping that this was just some strange dream or a hallucination from drugs she was on.

"This can't be real."

A little chuckle came from the man as he stood up from where he was sat.

"Oh this is very much real Olivia; the question you should be asking though is why you are here."

"I don't understand, who are you and where is here exactly? This is my apartment but yet you're telling me that I'm actually in hospital unconscious."

"You can call me Jack and as I said, I'm just here to help. Where are we? Well here is nowhere, but I thought the familiar surroundings of your apartment would make you feel more comfortable but we can change that if you like."

To Olivia's shock, within a blink of an eye she found herself in an empty white room apart from the two chairs in the middle of it.

"If it will make it easier for you, think of this as a place between the world of the living and the dead."

The Detective found herself making her way over to one of the chairs to sit, her legs feeling to shaky to stand upon.

"Ok Jack if this is the case then why am I here? Are you trying to tell me that you're God or something?"

Again the man chuckled as he also made a move to take a seat in the chair opposite Olivia.

"Good question, by all means you should be dead and yet here you are. It seems that you're not quite ready to let go yet, something or someone is keeping you from passing over. And no I'm not God, why ask such a thing when you don't even believe in it."

It's true, Olivia had never been much of a believer but given the situation she was just about ready to believe anything. She didn't even need time to think about the reason for why she was still there so to speak. It was Alex. The ADA was the very anchor that was keeping her in place, keeping her connected with the life she had known.

"So tell me Detective, you claim to love Alex and yet you were afraid to commit to her. Why?"

"She's the most beautiful human being I know and I'm just a detective with bad genes and too much emotional baggage. I'm dedicated to my job, work long hours and spend more time sleeping on my desk then I do at home. She deserves so much more then what I can ever give her."

"And yet isn't she old enough and wise enough to make the choice for herself? She is willing to deal with it all because she loves you for who you are, genetics and all…"

Olivia let out a frustrated sigh. "Look does this matter…I was afraid but now I'm not and Alex knows that." She stood and began pacing, a sign she was getting frustrated. Jack however just remained seated with his eyes fixed on the woman in front of him.

"What do love most about her?" With that question Olivia stopped where she was and a small grin appeared on her face.

"Her smile. I often walk into her office and find her completely weighed down with case files but then she hears me come in and looks up with her glasses perched upon her face and flashes the most beautiful smile just for me."

"When was the last time you kissed her?" At that question Olivia resumed her pacing but Jack was undeterred.

"I thought you said you were here to help me, all you're doing is asking me questions and making me feel miserable because I'm not with her."

"Your life is in the balance detective, right now you need the strength to fight for it. You need a reason to live and Alex is that reason, so that's why I'm asking you the questions. I want you to fight for her."

Olivia moved to sit back down and the pair lapsed into silence. Her head fell into her hands and in that moment she wanted nothing more than to wake up and find that this was just one big daydream, that she was instead lying in bed with Alex beside her.

"It was two days ago, a Sunday morning. I had snuck out and got us coffee and muffins for breakfast before grabbing the paper and bringing it to her in bed. We lied there together doing the crossword until I got called out for a case. I dressed, got my stuff together as usual but then as I was about to leave I stopped at the bedroom door. I looked back and saw her there with the early morning light coming through the window, casting a soft glow around her. My breath caught in my throat and for some reason I was compelled to turn back, I leaned down to kiss her goodbye."

A single tear fell as she recalled the memory.

"I'm not ready. I don't want to die."


	5. Chapter 5

**Again thanks to all of those who have reviewed =) Always good for the muse. Also apologies for any mistakes, this isn't beta'd so my fault...**

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Hearing faint noises in the background waking her from her slumber, Alex began to stir. She lifted her head and took notice of the nurse who was standing in the room seeming to take Olivia's vitals.

"How is she doing?"

"Nothing has changed but she's stable Miss Cabot, that's the main thing."

Alex gave a weak smile as the nurse left the room before focusing her attention back to the still prone figure lying in the bed. She looked down at her watch and saw that it was still early morning. Three days had passed and yet nothing had changed. The only good piece of news was that the brain swelling had decreased however Olivia was still in a coma and there was no indication that she was close to waking up. If it weren't for all the wires and machines that surrounded her, it would just seem the detective was peacefully sleeping. Such a sight was usually something Alex never took for granted. Ever since the detective started staying with her until the morning one of her guilty pleasures was to wake before her and lie there watching her sleep, she had lost count the number of occasion she had done just that and the thought she may never be able to do it again distressed her. Preoccupied with her thoughts, Alex didn't hear Cragen enter the room. In fact it wasn't until he laid a hand upon her shoulder causing her to jump a little in surprise that she became aware of his presence.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you Alex. Just stopping by before I head into the precinct. How's she doing?"

"Ok, there hasn't been any change and nothing has gotten worse which the doctors are happy about. It's just the head trauma that is of some concern still."

The captain pulled up a seat and placed it next to where the ADA was sat.

"And how are you holding up?"

Alex let out a shaky breath has she tried to ignore all the thoughts that were overloading her head.

"I'm fine, just wish this wasn't happening."

"Alex if she loves you as much as it seems you love her then she'll fight for you. She's strong, she will wake up Alex."

She looked at the captain wistfully. "I hope you're right."

Cragen left after a few more moments and Alex took the opportunity to freshen up and change into some clean clothes Elliott had dropped off the day before. It wasn't long until she back at Olivia's bedside, her hand covering that of the detective's. She no longer paid attention to the ever steady sounds of the machines beeping; it had become so normal that she didn't recognize it any longer.

"You know I heard all about these studies that suggest coma patients can hear the people around them when they talk, that familiar voices will help encourage them to wake up. So that's what I'm going to do, I'll keep talking until you decided to come back to me and you better come back to me Liv because I'm not letting you run from this, from our feelings. I don't know if I can ever give you everything you deserve or want but I promise here and now that I will try. I will try every day."

Alex reached out and gently brushed the back of hand down the side of Olivia's face. A stray lock of hair covered the brunette's eye and she pushed it out the way as best as she could but the bandaged that was wrapped around the detective's head did little to stop it from falling back to its previous position.

"Before I joined SVU I had this feeling of loneliness in my heart which I never thought would disappear. I ignored it, instead focused my aims on trying to climb the professional ladder. I sacrificed my friends, my social life all for my career but then after witnessing all the tragedy we see on a daily basis, I came to finally realise that a successful career meant nothing if I had no one to come home to at night. I got to know you and before I knew what was happening you had become a friend. Then you invited me into your bed and life as I knew it changed; we were there for one another when we both needed more on those darkest of nights. For me to finally wake up in the morning and feel the warmth of your touch, the taste of your kiss…it was a gift."

Alex brought Olivia's hand up to rest against the side of her face, leaning into the touch like she had done so many times before when the detective had held her close.

"You chased the loneliness away and now I'm scared it will come back Liv if you're not here to keep it at bay. When were together and you're holding me in your arms, I feel that nothing else in the world matters to me but you, us and I don't want to lose that, I can't."

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Olivia's eyes flew open and she found herself back in the familiar white room with Jack once again sitting in the chair opposite her.

"I heard her voice talking to me. It was as if she was in my head and she sounded so scared."

Jack leaned forward in the chair so he was closer to the detective.

"It's understandable that Alex is scared, she's terrified that you're going to give up fighting and leave her."

"That's not going to happen, I won't let it." Jake allowed a small smile to appear on his face upon hearing the determination in the detective's voice.

"Alex needs me, I need her…I want to go back." She stood almost challenging the man who sat before her. Any doubts she had over her feelings for the ADA were now long gone, she couldn't even remember why she had been so afraid to commit in the first place. Alex was her safe haven; Olivia had struggled her whole entire life to find a home and now in her darkest of moments she had realised she had found it. There was no place that she would rather be and there was no person that she would rather be near. She belonged there in the world of the living. She belonged there...with Alex.


	6. Chapter 6

**Again sorry for the long wait, i promise not to leave it so long until the next update. Thanks for all the reviews so far guys, I expect there to be a couple more chapters to this before i bring it to an end.  
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Another day passed by and it was very much like the ones before it had been. The few moments of sleep Alex got, she got in the chair with her head resting on the bed next to Olivia all the while never letting go of her hand. While the doctors and nurses went through their daily routine a few visitors would come by to check on the detective and to see how Alex was holding up. Olivia had shown improvement every day; she was breathing on her own, the gunshot wound was healing well and her vitals were strong but still she hadn't woken up. Logically the ADA knew Olivia's body needed time to heal and that was the most probable reason why she had yet to come round but still it didn't make her feel any better. Plus there was also the issue of brain damage, no one knew if the head injury Olivia sustained when she fell had caused any long term damage and they could do nothing but wait and see if she woke up. The dark thought that her love may never come round at all lingered in the back of her mind and it scared her. However she tried not to dwell upon it, instead she continued to talk to the detective, recollecting moments they had shared together.

"I remember the night you told me about your father; it was just after the Portman case. It was a slam dunk; alcoholic mother who was abusive towards her child but then we found out the reason why she had been like that in the first place. As it all unravelled painful memories from your entire childhood came back to haunt you; you knew what it was to live like that. You were there in the courtroom when the verdict came in but this time there was no happiness in your face upon hearing it and at the time I didn't understand why. You left quickly afterwards and I eventually tracked you down to your favourite spot in Central Park. I knew you would talk when you were ready and so we just sat there and I waited even though it was late. I never forgot that night; we were there under the stars and you took my hand in yours and told me everything. You let me hold you afterwards as your tears fell and all I could think about was how amazing you were; you survived and became the strong, compassionate and beautiful person I know today."

Alex's voice faltered a little, her thoughts drifting onto thinking about all the hardship the detective had had to deal with throughout her life so far and now this…

"What I remember most wasn't what you had told me but what happened after we finally left the park. It was the first time you kissed me. You walked me home that night and as we reached my building you pulled me in close and whispered a quiet thank you before capturing my lips with your own. Things changed that night, our relationship shifted and we were no longer just simply colleagues."

Alex let out a sigh, that night was the beginning of it all. Olivia had opened up and let the ADA in. She had bared her soul, entrusted her with her biggest secret and let down the walls she had spent so many years building. And with one kiss Alex was hooked.

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Olivia was agitated, moments of blackness and hearing Alex voice were interrupted when she would awake to find herself in the same familiar white room with Jack sitting there watching her.

"What made you tell Alex about your mother and father that night?"

"I don't know, part of me was tired I guess after the case. An abusive, alcoholic as a mother and a rapist for a father… it's a heavy burden to bear. She could have let it go but instead Alex came after me and just sat there. She didn't demand anything and for the first time in a long time I felt as if someone cared about me. Don't get me wrong I know Elliott and all cares but I can't help but feel that part of the reason is out of pity. But Alex on the other hand came to me and she didn't even understand why I was acting the way I was. She just came to find me purely out of concern."

A feeling of melancholy settled over her as she remembered the night in question. Alex had been there when she needed someone the most, she held the detective close as old memories resurfaced and the emotional toll of the case finally caught up with her. After many years Alex had been the one to break through the walls that she had spent so long building and hiding behind.

"Something changed that night; Alex became more to me than just a colleague and I wasn't even looking for it. Yes I was attracted to her but i put it down to a stupid little infatuation that would pass. Hell I'd given up on relationships a long time ago… they were just too much work, especially romantic relationships. When it came to dates as soon as they found out what I did for a living they either ran the other way or asked too many questions. However with Alex I found a connection…someone whose passion for their work matched my own; she will give everything to get justice for the victims we deal with every day."

Jack had quietly sat and listened each time Olivia talked about the ADA and it was clear from the expressions on the detective's face how much she meant to her.

"You really love her?"

Olivia looked directly across to where Jack was seated opposite her, as silent tears fell down her face.

"More than anything. I've heard people say that when you stop looking for something that's when you find it, and I did I found Alex. I just didn't realise until I was lying on the street bleeding out that's she's everything I've ever wanted. She's someone who can relate to me, understand the anguish I go through yet still appreciate life. And above all for some strange reason unknown to myself she loves me and I don't know how it happened. What I do know though is that I love her and I don't want it to end, at least not like this…"

Jack stood and walked over to Olivia. Kneeling before her he placed his hand on top of hers and gave her a genuine smile.

"It's not going to end Olivia, you're going to see her again and when you do, don't be afraid to take a chance at happiness. You love one another, it's as simple as that so forget about everything else."

With that Jack stood again and started to walk away from Olivia, only briefly stopping to turn back and say one last thing.

"Close your eyes Olivia; it's time to go home."


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok so i apologise that i haven't updated this in so long. I ended up moving countries and a lot of other stuff came up and so writing got put on the back burner. Anyway hopefully there are still some people out there interested in this =)**

* * *

5 days had passed since the shooting.

Alex stood looking out of the window in Olivia's hospital room; dawn had given light to the crisp snow fall that had swept through the city during the night. Ploughs could be seen clearing the streets as those below bundled in hats and scarfs tried to get on with their day. Winter had well and truly settled upon the city and Alex found herself longing for the warm spring days again. Letting out a quiet sigh she made her way back to the chair next to Olivia's bedside. The nurses, knowing that the ADA was not going anywhere else, no longer suggested she leave to rest at home instead.

The monotonous sounds of the machines beeping were beginning to lull her back to sleep when she thought she heard a small groan come from the woman lying before her. She was going to brush it off as a result of her sleep deprivation but then she heard the small whisper of her name from familiar lips

"Alex?"

Fluttering for a moment, Olivia at last opened her eyes and a small sob broke from Alex as she finally found herself looking into those deep brown orbs she never thought she would see again.

"Please tell me this is real, that I'm back here with you."

Alex rose from her chair to be as close to Olivia as she could. She reached her hand forward to brush some hair from her lover's face before closing the gap between them. Slowly leaning in gently caressing the back of her hand down Olivia's cheek, she pressed her lips to the detective's for a soft kiss.

"Yes my love, I'm here and this is real. Welcome back."

* * *

The doctors came in and checked the detective over as Alex anxiously stood back and watched them do their job. Once they left she was immediately back by the detective's side. Olivia tilted her head slowly and moved her hand reaching out for the woman. Without a word Alex took it as the last few days finally caught up with her. The fear she had been feeling disappeared from her mind and the tears came easily in that moment. Olivia reached up to touch her, wanting nothing more than to check still that it wasn't a dream. Her thumb slowly caressed the soft skin of Alex's cheek, wiping away the tears as she let out a smile.

"I was so scared Liv. I had your blood on my hands and then they wheeled you away…I thought you were going to leave me."

The ADA leaned into the soft touch of Olivia's hand as it stroked her cheek and she put her own on top it to keep it in place.

"Not going to happen, loving you kept me alive Alex. I should have died but you were the anchor that held me to life. I finally understood what it meant to be in love and you became my very reason to hold on, to continue when all other avenues were lost."

Olivia voice was raspy as she spoke but the sadness in it couldn't be hidden

"There was a time not so long ago when I wasn't sure if anyone could love me. Even when you first started to hint at me for more commitment I felt that it would all soon disappear. I had nothing to offer you; I'm just a low paid detective with too much baggage and a bad track record when it comes to any relationships. I wanted you but I also didn't want to hurt you, that's why I became so distant, reluctant to take things any further. You're happiness was the most important thing to me and in order to ensure it I had accepted the fact that the time would come when I would have to let you go.

"Oh Liv…why didn't you tell me any of this."

Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head as she fought to stay awake.

"None of it matters, not anymore Alex. I know what I want; you worked your way into my heart and well, it *belongs* to you now."

The ADA fought back the tears once more. After everything they had gone through she realised that she never wanted to miss this again. She turned her head a bit and placed a soft kiss on Olivia's palm.

"No more running detective, I plan on keeping your heart forever."

Alex smiled gently as she leaned in and placed a kiss to Olivia's forehead.

"Everything is going to be ok, you get some rest and I'll be right here. I love you."

A vague 'love you to' was mumbled as Olivia succumbed to sleep and Alex gladly settled herself by the detective's side to keep watch.

* * *

Olivia drifted in and out of sleep; considering it extremely hard to be awake for more than a couple of minutes. The pain was more than she was used to and her head felt like it was about to explode. Whatever pain medication they had her on was good and it was certainly one of the reasons why she was still in a constant state of slumber. Alex true to her word had been by her side each time she had awoken and here she was again silently looking over her where she lay. Olivia looked at the clock. They had a couple hours before all the Drs and nurses would be back in doing all their tests and checking her over.

"How you doing'?"

"I should be the one asking you that?" Olivia stared at her pointedly, expecting an answer.

"I'm fine," Alex answered. The dark circles under the blonde's eyes and rumpled clothing said otherwise to the detective. It pained her to see Alex like it and knowing that she was the reason behind it hurt her more. She knew she had caused Alex considerable emotional pain, before and after the shooting. She remembered for a moment the silence in the moments after the bullet ripped through her flesh before the screams of passers byes filled the air. The feeling of numbness as the coldness spread down her body. The noises around her seemed to fade away as she struggled to remain conscious; it was only upon hearing the familiar voice of her lover that allowed eyes to remain open and her mind awake for those few precious seconds that she thought were going to be her last.

"Why don't you go home? I'll be ok here on my own for a while, it's not like I can go very far anyway. You can get something decent to eat, and get some sleep."

"I'll go once visiting hours are over later."

"Alex please. You're exhausted and I don't want you ending up in one of these beds. It's bad enough that I'm here."

"Ok I'll go."

"Good."

Alex reluctantly stood and leant over. Taking Olivia's face in both hands, her gaze bored into tired eyes.

"I will be back later, promise."

"I know. I'll be here waiting for you."

Alex slowly moved to the door and took one last look at the detective before going through it.

"I love you Liv."

"Good, I love you too" Olivia repeated sleepily, and then her eyes closed.


End file.
